A Parents Job Description


Mum, Mummy, Ma, Mom, Mama.
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pop.


  • Long term, permanent position
  • Candidate must be able to cope in a challenging environment and work as part of a team.
  • Excellent communication skills and organisational skills are essential.
  • Hours are variable, including evenings and weekends and 24-48 hours on call should be expected.
  • Expenses for travel and over night stay are not reimbursed, but these will be under taken frequently non-the less.


  • The position will be held for the rest of your life.
  • The successful candidate should understand that being hated is part of the job and will be temporary as long as they are willing to pay someone when they need the money.
  • High stamina levels are crucial and ability to run faster than the speed of light will come in very useful should that cry mean more then someone wants something.
  • Be understanding to the fact they will probably not wear clothing that is clean for more than five minutes.
  • The successful candidate should be willing to bite their tongue at least a few times a day.
  • Applicant should be willing to face mysterious repairs of toys, gadgets and other house hold appliances.
  • Must be able to talk to and organise a variety if clients including those of different ages and mental abilities, which may sometimes succeed even their own.
  • Must cherish being an idol one minute and for no apparent reason, accept they are an embarrassment the next.
  • Appreciate the fact that any money not spent paying the mortgage will go on someone else’s expenses.
  • Will be fully accountable for the end product.

Advancement and promotion:

In one word; limited.

  • If you are lucky (or unlucky depending on levels of job satisfaction), you may reach the position of grandparent. This new title goes without saying that you will keep all responsibilities so far as well as receiving a load of new ones.
  • Should you be really lucky (or incredibly unlucky and God hasn’t heard your pleas for help) you will become a great grand parent.

Previous Experience:

No previous experience is required.

Due to the challenging and changing nature of the position, on the job training will be given on a continual basis.

Wages and compensation:

Possibly a grant from the government (and a house if they are feeling particularly generous).
Other than this you will receive nothing.

You will pay them for this experience and will enjoy it. You will also give them anything you have left when you die.


There are no health, insurance, paid holidays and no time off.

However, if the job is completed successfully, the job has unlimited opportunities for developing ones self, free hugs and kisses for the time the position is held and if you play your cards right, when you get old, they may look after you.